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Leave St. Nick Alone

What a silly flap over Santa Claus’s DNA.

The misguided high school teacher in New Mexico who told a black freshman that Santa was white had clearly never been to Queens. We have Santas of every race and ethnicity in the nation’s most diverse borough and as long as the pretenders wear a red suit and white beard, they’re authentic in our eyes.

Santa is an ancient symbol of Christmas who represents the spirit of giving, with more strings attached than the coupons downloaded onto cellphones for bargains at malls. This mythical figure bestows presents on children based on their behavior, which in popular culture has evolved into “naughty” or “nice.”

The question in Queens this holiday season might well be is a black Santa more forgiving than a white Santa or tougher than an Asian Santa? We just might have to take a poll.

But aside from being kind-hearted, generous and willing to hang out in the December cold, Queens’ Santas must also be nimble linguists to extract from the kiddies whether they played by the rules this year.

As far as we know, there is no Rosetta Stone to guide the Santas through a holiday script for the 161 languages spoken in Queens. So our St. Nicks are required to have superior judgment about who is good and who is not, relying heavily on first impressions when words fail on both sides.

Taking on the role of Santa in Queens is one tough job. Of course, he — not always since there is the occasional woman crashing the Father Christmas routine — has help from his elves. But in today’s world, it might be fair to ask why are all the elves he’s, too? We could go one step further and inquire why Vixen is the only female among Santa’s nine reindeer to set off another culture war.

What is lost in all the adult chatter about the true Santa is the children. Santa is a towering figure for the young who still believe in the power of a mythical man to reward good deeds and punish those who commit bad ones. It is the 21st century version of a medieval morality play.

Most wide-eyed Queens children give little thought to Santa’s race. They have seen many images of the jolly white man in the red hat, but they have also seen people of every ethnic background proudly wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day.

But unlike St. Patrick, Santa delivers the goods and no amount of foolish debate over his bloodlines can take away the magic of Christmas or the message of giving from children.